Saturday, August 2, 2008

How Long Until It Doesn't Count?

How long is a marriage a marriage without being intimate? One of my friends in particular is questioning this, her husband is not interested at all and won't say why. She is having a very difficult time because old boyfriends keep looking her up and asking if she's married or single, how are things and they are definitely interested. She does NOT want to have an affair but she's starting to wonder if she's considered married or not. She wonders if he is gay because she figures a guy who just isn't interested in her specifically would at least take advantage of what he has sometimes. (I'm trying to be careful how I phrase this.) She calls me when she's tempted but I no longer am sure what to say! Her husband doesn't want a divorce, doesn't want her to leave, she hasn't asked his opinion on her being with someone else, would it be a relief for him? She is no longer sure if it's marriage if they just act like roommates and good friends.
If he had been in some sort of accident and this was the result, it would just be what they had to deal with, right? So this may be no different.

If any guy can think of a reason they would never touch their wife for a year or more when she clearly wants you, could you enlighten me? Could it be normal for some reason, an explanation that we don't know? Anonymously is fine, tlminut and my mail is gmail dot com.


  1. 20/20 did a story on this a few years ago. It is a remarkably common phenomenon. She needs to get her husband to go with her to a competent therapist before matters get any worse.

    Are they still married? In the eyes of the law, yes.

    In their own hearts? Depends on what each feels.

  2. Remarkably common? What do they suggest the 'problem' is? For a single person, there's no practical problem; for two people married but the same way, no problem, but for a couple where only one is like that, it can be major.
    It surprises me to see it labeled remarkably common, I didn't know very many men would be anti-sex since most that I've known consider it one of, if not THE main goals of life. I've started wondering if it's a biological necessity for males like eating and breathing but it's difficult to get data on that when you're just a regular person.