Monday, December 29, 2008

Surprise Christmas after all

It's difficult to not celebrate Christmas
when people think you're only not doing it
because you're too poor.

At 1:30 a.m. on December 24th, there was a horrendous banging on our door; when we finally opened the door we found boxes of food and a giant black bag full of gifts! There is no one who should have thought of doing that that I know of and my friend insists she has no idea about any of it, no knowledge, nothing. It was from the Mormon church I think. The food was welcome, yes, but it was just so odd. The kids were happy of course, it was fun.
I read on a blog that someone wrote, "We're not celebrating his birthday, we're celebrating his BIRTH." Nice point. Still I can't get past the command that says not to take the ways of the heathens and worship our God that way.

Deuteronomy 12:30
beware that you are not ensnared to follow them, after they are destroyed before you, and that you do not inquire after their gods, saying, 'How do these nations serve their gods, that I also may do likewise?' (NASB ©1995)

Leviticus 18:3 'You shall not do what is done in the land of Egypt where you lived, nor are you to do what is done in the land of Canaan where I am bringing you; you shall not walk in their statutes.

Leviticus 20:23 'Moreover, you shall not follow the customs of the nation which I will drive out before you, for they did all these things, and therefore I have abhorred them.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Substitution? Example?

Something else I've wondered is how is it that Yeshua's death is a substitute death? Scripture says no man can pay the price for another (2 Chronicles 25), so... isn't it his LIFE that is accounted? We do still have to die after all, die daily to ourselves. Wasn't his death the physical demonstration of what we have to do?
Yet, scripture also says he died FOR us. He accepted the guilt of every sin ever committed when the Father laid it on him and he took the punishment of death. Here is where the analogies come in and start getting confused; when we become part of the body of Christ, death is in our past, we have died because of sin since he did. The confusion is calling ourselves the "bride of Christ", are we part of him or a bride? It's not literal so no big deal really. A wife and husband are "one" too, like Yeshua is with the Father and like we are to be with them both, so I guess it still would work. Not confusing after all.

YHWH = ?

YHWH can't be directly translated as I AM. Someone told me that in Hebrew, I am is eimi. I think. Something like that anyway. It's just that there was a Hebrew tradition not to pronounce the holy name, they put a "gate" around it so that no one would inadvertently sin. How then could someone respond if asked, "Are you John, the one who these people were looking for?" They couldn't say, "Yes, I am." So what does it really translate to?
That's another reason I think it's odd that people claim Yeshua claimed to be the Almighty by saying I am when asked if he is the Messiah. He said I am. And? How does that mean anything but that he is the Son of God, the Messiah, the one who was promised? Did he say, "Yahweh"? If so, what would that have meant?

Are you the promised one?

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Being Perfect

Scripture tells us to be perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect. Yet the first response is always, "Well, we can't really be perfect, no one can. Only Yeshua was." What would it be if we told our children to behave as we have taught them and we heard them talking to each other, saying, "We can't really behave like they told us to. Don't worry, they didn't mean it. They don't truly expect us to do what we've been told. That's only possible when we're grown up."

I've considered and thought about what keeps me from being perfect. What even is perfect? It's easy enough to avoid the obvious evil things, I don't kill people, don't seduce people, don't steal or lie. So then, attitudes. If I am annoyed with someone, it's easy enough to change my point of view and try to think why they would behave the way they are. When it's difficult for me, I pray and ask the spirit of holiness in me to make my thinking right. "He" does. When someone wants my time, my attention, my belongings, I tighten my grip on MY. I have to ask him to help me remember things are not mine, I'm not even mine. That for me, is the hardest part. Not to give things but to give ME. Still, I don't see why it is that we can't be perfect as we were told. The spirit in us that He gave us is how we can be. Do we assume we can't so that we don't have to?

Friday, December 19, 2008

Micah 6:8

He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does YHWH require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8

I know that's in my sidebar, I just love it and wanted to write it again.

Do I Control My Life If I've Given It Away?

There has been so much said about The Secret and Think and Grow Rich and other such ideas, it's making me wonder. How much does our attitude and focus affect life? It must matter, scripture tells us to 'think on' good and noble things, to esteem others better than ourselves, that "as a man thinks in his heart, so is he", other such things.
Is this only to keep our individual selves "on the straight and narrow" or is it because when we all concentrate on good at once, the world will change? That seems likely to me, what seems unlikely is that it will ever happen. Is the only reason we shouldn't constantly concentrate on acquiring money because money isn't a worthy life goal? What if our reason for wanting money is that we want something to share with others?

I see attitude problems in my son, when he's determined to dislike something or be unable to succeed, it seems obvious that he won't. Why should that be unless attitude really does affect things? Does it only affect his own brain? I haven't tried to draw things to me and haven't taught him to do so but perhaps I should. He does know that complaining is wrong and that one's attitude has an effect on one's health and life. Does a negative, complaining attitude affect other people as well? Seems obvious that it does, we talk about people who are unpleasant to be around because of their negativity, and about people we love to be around because they make us feel good due to their contagious joie de vivre (sp?) But does attitude and focus really affect the material world as well? If so, why are there so many people convinced that this plan's a winner, our problems are finally over and they fail? Or abused children who are convinced that they will behave well enough and send out enough love to a parent that they will finally be loved but it doesn't happen?

I've agreed to read and review a book (I don't have the book yet, it's coming) concerning this subject. I thought it would be from a believer's point of view, but I'm not sure, I'll find out when it gets here. Scripture tells us the Father has good works prepared for us ahead of time, if poverty is required for these works to be available to us, why would we think we'll get rich just by concentrating on it? How can desiring many biological children give us those children if our purpose is to take in as our own, children who need a family without the "distraction" of a possible division into "our real children and our adopted ones"?

I find it quite difficult to draw the line between contentment/accepting the will of YHWH, and apathy. Hard to decide if HE put me "here" (whatever situation I may be in) to learn something or do something, or did my own actions do it? Should I be in this situation? How much control do I really have? If I acknowledge that I am not my own, are "my" actions really mine?

Thursday, December 11, 2008


At, I've just spent the last hour and a half reading articles and responding to them. It's great! I guess I was just in the mood or maybe I just felt like running my mouth. It's quicker and easier than blogs since "category" and "search" on entrecard hasn't been working. I need to try it again so I can find and comment on the blogs I like and lost. But for now, this is wonderful!

EDITED TO ADD: Maybe I did something wrong, no one has responded to any comments or questions I left for them. If most didn't respond, I wouldn't be surprised but not even one? I left several so I'm a little confused by that. Some articles are ridiculous, not well-written at all, some are no more than a line or two of ranting but some are very well thought out and presented. I think I need a forum.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Did YHWH PreWire Us?

The December 6th issue of ScienceNews has an essay called The Decider. The subject is the latest findings on our "illusion" of free will. It states:

"Free will" is not the defining feature of humanness, modern neuroscience implies, but is rather an illusion that endures only because biochemical complexity conceals the mechanisms of decision making.

It seems they've discovered some previously unidentified brain areas, parts that did things we didn't quite know about before. Certain parts of the brain are regularly involved in decisions that encourage or discourage "non-rewarding" choices. The main structure discussed is the habenula, a structure that fires neurons that slow dopamine neurons when a creature is faced with an unrewarding choice.
They're careful to point out that this brain structure is merely part of a large neural network involved in decision making, just that it's a part that is involved heavily. Rather disconcerting to think that people who continually make the same type of poor decisions may simply have an under- or over-active part in their brain. Does this mean they can have this section of the brain stimulated or suppressed and suddenly become successful in life?

Free will or not? It's still a big question.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Limiting BEING, How Can "He" Possibly Be Described?

It's still too hard for me to refer to "God" or "YHWH" or "He". Too limiting, all of them. Saying He is too humanizing and even then leaves half off. God of course isn't even a name. YHWH is okay as long as I say the name with the translation of I AM in my mind. YHWH, Yahweh, Jehovah; they all sound like mythical deities when I say them. When I say I AM and remember what "He" showed me, it all makes sense and it works.
But even Existence, Being, an entity? I don't think even "entity" can cover God. It's much easier to think of Yeshua/Jesus. An exact representation for us. But is he the model of what WE can and will be or what God is? Because if he was the image of what God is, then that's still what we have in store, but we didn't get to be with him while he was human like we are now. All we can go by are the stories and accounts - those are wonderful but not enough. Without direct experience, we can't possibly drop our jaws in amazement at the feeling of being near him, knowing that we are in the presence of The Almighty Holy One. If we are able to be full of the spirit of God as he was, one with God (which is what Jesus prayed), when is that supposed to be? Jesus kept saying the kingdom was here whenever God worked, so it seems to mean that's the option now.
Overall, it still seems that we will all be "absorbed" into one great force or power of existence.

I can see why God told people, "Look, think of me as the Father," it's all beyond words otherwise. What scientific understanding was available then?
Now we have much more science, but many kids have no fathers. What is the newest way to understand? I keep imagining these guys back then, the ones who wrote down the scripture, trying to come up with words to explain the totally inexplicable; not only was it hard to come up with words in their language that could encompass the meaning, but words that defied their understanding of how things were.
Kind of like the guys in a movie I just watched last night called The Ghost Particle about two scientists who were ridiculed and rejected by some, by others considered merely wrong, until just a couple of years ago. One thing was rather nice; even though one of the men had Alzheimer's by the time he was awarded The Nobel Prize in Physics, the other is still fully cognizant and thrilled to have his life's work vindicated while he's still alive! That's so wonderful, look at how many only get respect and recognition posthumously. (By the way, this was about neutrinos).

This post is way too long and convoluted now, I'll stop for a while. It's just that I watched the DVD about neutrinos last night and then Stephen Hawkings The Universe tonight; these things always get me started!

Entrecard, Blogging, and Weary Old Brains

Is anyone else having major trouble with search and campaign on Entrecard? I can't use either and I'm really tired of it. I've loved entrecard because I have found so many blogs I want to keep reading but now I have to remember where each is -- and the url doesn't always match the blog name. I'm left only able to drop on those who have dropped on me, there are several who DON'T drop on mine that I want to follow and drop on.

I'm considering dropping this whole blog anyway because I end up spending time dropping cards and planning to "come back and read this one more thoroughly" once I'm done. Sometimes a quick glance is interesting but later I see naked pictures down in earlier posts and wish I had never dropped a card. If I can't even search or use the campaign button to find the ones I want, it isn't giving me what I need here. I like the blogrolls some people have, I want to start a new, unknown blog to practice posting pictures, linking, and things like that. It still counts as traffic without dropping a card I think, does anyone know? I want to support the blogs I like and find new ones. It's just that I really don't know what I'm doing and it's time to find out. Thinking I'm too old to bother with all this isn't working -- I keep waking up alive every day and may do so for a long time! Every time I find a job I'd like to apply for, I discover I don't know enough to qualify so guess I'd better put this weary old brain back to work.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

A Job Maybe

And now something else; my friend just called and told me her boss asked her if she knew someone to work a temp job at her work to run the register. No product expertise required! YES! She told him she does and would ask me if I'm interested as if she doesn't know I still am feeding a teenage boy! LOL! They're starving even when there IS food...
No guarantees but I'm definitely planning to talk to her bosses.


My son came home from work this morning and told his little brother, "Karma. It's karma. I've been trying to arrange things, trying to figure out what to do and the money just showed up." He asked me, "Isn't it amazing how these things work out?"
I need to look up karma; I've heard the word of course, but I realize I don't actually know what it means. Isn't it pretty much the Indian version of "you get what you give", "what goes around comes around" and the biblical mandate to "do these things that it will go well with you"?

So we're covered for another month of rent and the car is inspected and registered. No insurance yet, and bills aren't paid but I guess that will come too.

Maybe Meaning or Maybe Just The Vagaries of Life

Life can get so depressing and it's all about money. Not all bad things are about money, of course, I know that quite well. But right now I have overdue rent, no job, a car overdue to be inspected, registered, and insured, no food. We're turning off the phone and the cable, sold the TV, I would advertise other things to sell but have no money to buy an ad!
I called to find out the status of the last job application I put in - the woman told me she had been out of town and would be again so she hasn't reviewed any of them yet. Then I even called to find out if I can go back to psycho land (the job I quit because of the scary people and stalkers!) and they have no openings.
AND THEN I got a speeding ticket that isn't legit. I've never refuted one before because I used to speed but this time I wasn't. My son and I had JUST been discussing why we had to go so slowly; I showed him that we had been in a school zone and the limit was only 20 mph. We still drove slowly because we had a flat tire and had just inflated it, we were checking it to see if it would hold or had to be repaired. That's when a cop stopped us for speeding! Nope, sorry, you're wrong buddy. My son even suggested I call "the real police to let them know about these men out here and what they're doing"! LOL!
Sometimes it would be easier to not know God at all, then I wouldn't be looking for some deep meaning behind all this. Nothing would be better but I wouldn't be trying to figure out if there was something I needed to learn or do, or if I had done something horribly wrong.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Made for the Butterfly Effect?

I wonder how it would be if we are here for one specific purpose. I know it's not quite like this and I've mentioned this before, but what if one's reason for living is to do one specific thing or help one specific person? Anything else would be "icing on the cake".

So then, what would happen if you didn't do it -- if you weren't sure you should, thought you didn't have time, didn't know how, or thought it was your own mind coming up with ideas? Maybe you just didn't want to. Would the Father send someone else along to do it instead? Would it be left undone?

We have to stay so close, so connected to the source that we KNOW. But if we're not that close, will we realize it? Some beg to know God but He doesn't reveal Himself to them (or not for a very long time). Some think they DO know Him and don't find out until later that they hadn't after all. I assume some truly did know truth, but life destroys them to the point where it doesn't matter and they don't care anymore.

Sometimes this bothers me, often though, it strikes me as funny to think my whole purpose in living (or any one person's), could be to have a particular life story to tell a particular person at one point in their life. All the rest would be superfluous expenditure of energy. Perhaps life is full of Butterfly Effects.

Monday, November 24, 2008

All Things Work Together For The Good Of...

Once again, what is it we trust God for? I don't mean why, I mean for what. We trust that all things will be worked out for our good but is that our own specific particular good or for the good of the human race as a whole, or believers as a whole? Because it seems a bit presumptuous and extreme to assume it means my good. It could be but what if what's good for me is bad for someone else? Or will it never turn out that way in the long run? And do we assume that staying alive is best? Are there no believers who have starved to death or frozen to death because they have nowhere to live even while they trusted God for things to work out for their good? Yeshua himself trusted YHWH for his good, it certainly wasn't his good in THIS life - betrayed, abandoned, ridiculed, tortured and murdered. The Father's approbation was his reward, I wonder if he 'looks down' at us and thinks, "Yes, they're worth what I went through for them."

If things fall to pieces and are really bad, is it because we're not seeking the kingdom of God first? Or are we simply meant to learn a lesson, see something, change something? All of them can be true but I don't know how to tell the difference; if I'm wrong about what's going on, my energies are aimed in the wrong direction. I have the book Secret of The Vine, I think that deals with this question, I need to read it again.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Now I Get It

Maybe it's not that we should be seeing people as our Maker
intended us to be
but how He intends us to be.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Unexpectedly Ended Up At Church Today

This morning I was looking for a nearby church to go to, the one I tried a couple of times is too far. I found one listed in the phone book that was close but it didn't have any starting times. Knowing this would be like all the other times that I just didn't bother, I drove to the corner store but instead of going in, I decided to go to the bookstore, dangerous idea, no need and no right to spend money but I could browse and enjoy myself for a while. Half an hour to sit in the parking lot until they opened so I decided to look up that church I had found listed. I arrived at the exact right time to attend! BUT I was wearing corduroys and a sweatshirt; I hadn't planned on actually making it to church. Then I saw a family going in, the kids were wearing jeans. Then the dad - jeans. Then the mom, jeans. Then another family, jeans and/or other casual clothes. So I went in and I'm glad I did.
It's very small, 30 people? 50? 60? I don't estimate very well so I don't know but it's definitely small. It's okay though because the spirit of the Holy One was there. These people weren't there for entertainment and they weren't there to show themselves as "good church people" either. (Not that people care about the latter anymore that I know of.) It was the perfect place to be this morning; if I hadn't left the coffee pot on and almost empty when I made "a quick drive down to the corner" and then been gone for over two hours, I would have stayed and talked to people afterward! Yah willing, there's always next time.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Dean Koontz and Spiritual Quests

Every time I read a Dean Koontz novel, I'm surprised at how much I enjoy it. I've never been one for horror, I don't read that type of book or ever watch movies like that. But his books always include so much spiritual searching, contemplation, and at times insight that I can't help but be fascinated.
Many deal with the depravity and insanity of human behavior, every book involves a wonderful and gentle man, the epitome of kindness, and a woman who is noble and full of love. They are coupled as so in love that neither can imagine breaking the bond because who breaks their own life and the perfection of unity in their wedded love? They always step up in self-sacrifice to deal with whatever horror (and this man can come up with truly horrible horrors) threatens.
I just finished one that was truly awful called Hideaway, it explores the nature of evil in humans and its source - no 'answers' really but his characters don't have the whole answer any more than we do now. Koontz as an author seems to think about this a lot, wondering why, WHY would anyone be like that?
The other one I just read is The Taking, an apocalyptic story that was really very good. Totally wonderful. Freaky, creepy, spiritual, triumph of God over all. I think what I like about him is that he's a man who obviously spends much time contemplating the spiritual aspect of life.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

"Creation" of Evil

I just came across a post I had commented on a while ago and lost (I've finally started writing down where I comment).
On I left a comment on a post where the writer claimed God did not create evil. When I went back to look, he had responded that "We can quote the Bible out of context to support whatever positions we have but God did not originally create evil".
I'm totally offended. I did no such thing and I'm offended that I am accused of it. Phrased that way makes it an accusation as if I'm deliberately trying to vilify our Heavenly Father! Even if he had said, "That's out of context, it's really like this..." it would have been better. I DO want to read the rest of his post, that just stopped me cold for a bit! The poster says God did NOT originally create evil but scripture specifically says He did. It's a quote directly from Him through Isaiah.

When I first found those verses I quoted there on Did God Create Evil?, I was surprised and had to totally rethink what "evil" is.
1 Samuel 16:14 "..and an evil spirit from YHWH tormented him."
Judges 9:23 God sent an evil spirit..
Then there's Isaiah 45:7 which says, "I form the light and create darkness, I make peace and create evil. I, YHWH, do all these things."
Some translations have "calamity" or "disaster" in Isaiah. That's not what I ever considered "evil" before; I always thought it was an active and tangible force that stands against YHWH. So what does that mean for the idea that there is an evil spirit world? What is an evil, tormenting spirit? Especially one FROM YHWH?
I've also read that evil is man's own nature which is selfishness and wanting our own way instead of the way of righteousness that comes from the Holy, the nature we are intended to have.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Natural Outflow

Today I was thinking about good works.
We don't seek out good things to do, doing good works should be our natural inclination from the spirit in us. If we're not "finding" things to do, we need to seek a closer relationship with the one who fills us with the spirit that good works flow from. Not recognizing what's next, what's needed, what's good and righteous means we're missing something very important. What's missing isn't "ideas", it's intimacy with the Holy One. Jesus had goodness, "good works", flowing from him everywhere he went. He's our model but not that we should only copy what he did - we can have what he had! A relationship with the Father, the spirit flowing in and through and from us. That's where true good works come from. They will flow from us because of him.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

How Do I Answer Her?

My friend called tonight, she returned from a funeral and was upset about a few things. One is that the pastor there made it clear that the deceased was gone from us but had the hope of the resurrection. My friend is upset that the pastor doesn't believe we are already immortal and death is just escaping from this life so we can immediately "be in heaven" with Jesus.
What could I say? I don't believe that either.
There is only one verse in scripture I can think of that sounds as if that's the case. Maybe two. Overall, there are many, many that say the dead are dead, the dead know nothing, we await the promised resurrection, eternal life is a gift for believers only, etc.
The other is where the kingdom is - in heaven or on earth. I can't give any worthwhile discussion on that, I just can't tell.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Why Does The "Proof" Go Both Ways?

Word Studies drive me crazy! The evidence, the proof, and the truth of the matter always seems to depend on the agenda the "experts" are pushing. Linguists, bible scholars, historians - you can find groups of experts that agree but then another group of the varied professions can give evidence to prove the exact opposite! Is the evidence truly so confusing and inconclusive?

Thursday, October 2, 2008

We All Win

We get more out of an action (that seems cowardly to others) than they can imagine. It reminds me of this:

Little boy angry that he has to take a nap, tries to be the boss and demand that YOU have to take a nap too! You "submit to authority" and take a nap. He's feeling all cocky and dominant and thinks he 'won'. What do you think?

Way Better Than It Sounds!

To correlate the phrase I was supposed to be discussing with the rest of the last post - Religion is the opiate of the masses - I say 'religion' may well be but spiritual truth isn't. When understood in practical terms, "be content" and "submit yourself to authority" seems to be a way to control groups of people. Maybe it is.

What the people who can't stand the thought of it and the people who are thrilled to take advantage of these principles don't understand is that those who follow them get way more out of it than others can know. (For years, the whole idea bugged me horribly and I traitorously, secretly believed it was a scam in a way. I don't blame myself anymore for that though, I only felt guilty because I was taught that any such thoughts were blasphemy.) How could I know the truth of the instructions if God didn't reveal it to me? All I could do was see it with my unchanged mind - in the natural world, it IS a bad idea and not a good survival skill.
Then I thought it was merely good instruction for a civilization to be run, to keep people in control. Perhaps, but who wants to be the controlled when the controllers are selfish and greedy, not looking out for the good of all?

It took God showing me the irrelevance of many things in this life before I could take it for what it is.
Being content IS practical, it keeps one from ruining his health and mental state railing against circumstances. I don't think it's possible without the spirit doing it though when things get bad. Being content doesn't negate taking advantage of opportunities that come one's way. It may be easier to recognize them when one isn't fuming at life.
Overall though, I don't think it's even that; it's knowing that a greater power is in charge. I don't believe the word "faith" means believing with no evidence. Isn't the word actually "faithfulness"? And isn't one faithful to one you know you can trust because they've SHOWN they are worth your trust?

Monday, September 29, 2008

It's Only Blaming God

Religion Is The Opiate Of The Masses

That's the correct phrase, true? I heard about God and Jesus when I was 12, I didn't hear this phrase until I was 14. It's easy to see why people want no part of religion, Christianity at least, when considering it from a purely practical point of view. Besides, it doesn't do much for one's self-esteem now does it?
1. You can't do anything on your own
2. You're a worthless, degenerate sinner/loser
3. If God chooses not to show you, you'll burn in hell and be tortured for eternity
4. The Bible can only be proven by itself
5. You must deny any scientific evidence that contradicts the Bible

The list continues but that's enough right now.
We may know that the Bible claims God has revealed Himself in His creation to all; " is without excuse." That's true as far as it goes. People DO see it and wonder, search, consider. So why would we blame someone for searching and finding answers in science? It's like telling someone you hid a gift in the house, they search everywhere and finally decide you made it up. You never told them you meant it was in the house next door, not this one. Then you're angry they didn't keep searching, didn't believe you, didn't care enough to continue looking? How do they know it's worth the trouble anyway? They decided you played a trick on them for some reason.
Does anyone think it reasonable to blame a child for not winning the Nobel Prize? Blame is irrelevant, a child and adult reasoning and knowledge really have nothing to do with each other.

I think "blaming", condemning someone for not knowing God is meaningless. Scripture says no one can come to Him unless He draws them. It's like Jesus's disciple asking him "What about him?" and Jesus answered, "What's that to you? YOU follow me." Scripture also tells us to let no one judge us but the body of Christ and it tells us our concern for correcting people's beliefs and behavior is limited to those in the body. Our lives should be powerful and peaceful to the point that others see and come to us about it, not the other way around. I don't know quite what I think about evangelism, we are to tell people. But I don't see that it's intended to "convince" people, it's merely to inform those God is calling so they get a clue what's going on. Aren't we told to keep our mouths shut and only speak when God gives us something to say?

The list at the top contains some things that are only people's ideas anyway and some that are possibly found in the Bible. Eternal torment in hell for someone God chose to make as a "vessel of destruction" most likely isn't quite how it works. I don't believe it's true anyway but most things can be proven both ways in the Bible. The whole hell issue is a huge debate for good reason. Universal reconciliation can be shown as truth in scripture as can God making evil people that won't accept Him and then destroying them. Free will is clear in scripture as is the total lack thereof.

There's no way to blame someone for not accepting God if He doesn't show them truth. Many think they have been shown but they find they've only believed what they've been taught by other people. And it doesn't hold up. Kind of like my understanding of quantum physics, I may understand a little bit but I don't see any relevance in my daily life. Eventually it may all be (for everyone) common knowledge, obvious and simple but it isn't right now. Spiritual things are that way.
Right now it's more like seeing rows of people blindfolded and chained to train tracks and we walk along saying, "Wow, they're dumb. Glad that's not me." Some of us know to say "Thank you God that you set me free from that." Still others are desperate to free those people but take no tools, they just yell at the people, Don't you see a train is coming?! If the people have been there their whole lives, do they even know their situation isn't 'normal'?
All these are poor analogies I know, but it's on my mind a lot, that we have to understand that no one can just CHOOSE to be different and understand what they can't. It's not up to us and it's not up to them. Blaming each other for not saving them is senseless, even if we come up to them with bolt cutters to cut off the chains, they'll fight us and only hurt themselves and us. We have to let God call them, let them know someone is coming, and we have to listen ourselves to know who is waiting for us.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

The Teaching Company has so many courses I want to take! One I'm especially interested in discusses the role neurobiology plays in individuality. I'm afraid to look again, is that the one that costs $519?! I just checked, it's not but at $255 it's still out of my reach. Time to hit the library and bookstores again.
So many fascinating things to study are available that it gets overwhelming, then also, knowing there's so much makes me wonder what good it will do to study all this. Each of us only has a relatively short time on this earth, what benefit is it to anyone to die with an abundance of knowledge?
One reason I want to study is because God amazes me more every time I find out something new that He has done. Not that it's new, or new knowledge, just new to me. Every perception and cherished belief that is destroyed is replaced by knowledge that reveals another entire layer of awesomeness. The very idea of that neurobiology course opens up all sorts of possibilities to me for seeing marvelous works.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

It's All About The Heart

Another reason I was able to see the difference I described in the previous post about the feasts is that I talked to my grandbabies' mother about their behavior. She was bemoaning the fact that they don't listen to her. When she gave me a couple of examples, I laughingly asked, "Haven't you ever heard of a wooden spoon?" She immediately responded that she will NEVER do that, it's abuse, I will never lay a hand on my kids.
If a parent refuses to spank a child, the kid misses out on the blessing of loving discipline but for a mother who has been abused (I think she may have been) and can not spank a child without thinking she's abusing them, her NOT spanking them is the blessing, because it's done out of love. Biblical discipline is the better way but her way is still loving her children and it's not wrong. She COULDN'T spank her children righteously. If she was always "beaten" no matter how it was done or how severely, she doesn't understand the love behind a true physical discipline that keeps a child off of a path that will do him or her harm. Motivation matters! Spanking your child because you see how their character is forming a little crooked and you know the likely future results of it and are determined to keep them from that harm, is SO different from hitting your child because he/she is getting on your nerves. At that point, it doesn't matter whether correction for their behavior is called for or not, it's not being done for the child.

I remember my parents "spanked" me once when I was way too old for a spanking. For a short time, I was furious and hated them for humiliating me like that. Like I said, a short time; it didn't take long before I was humiliated because I realized that, as old as I was, I had driven my parents to the point where they had no idea what to do. I knew it wasn't frustration they were "taking out on me", it was terror that I was not safe because of things I was doing. They loved me and were concerned to the point of fear! THAT'S what I did to these people who devoted so much of their time, attention, resources, and emotions to MY well-being?! I don't recall changing much of my behavior in my life but what I did do was make sure to show them how much I appreciated them and their care and concern for me. I tried to make sure I let them know I noticed and understood the things they did right as parents. God took an awkward situation that could have been disastrous to my relationship with my parents and brought good out of it. It's all about the heart.

The Feasts YHWH Called "My Feasts" (Lev 23)

On Heart of Wisdom, Celebrating The Biblical Holidays, Robin wrote:
If we celebrate the holidays to earn righteousness there is no reason to observe them. By celebrating the biblical holidays I am no better than my friend who chooses not to observe these days.

The first part concerning doing something to earn righteousness is what people usually argue if I talk about keeping the feasts of God. It's as if no one will acknowledge that one may keep the feasts BECAUSE God has shown them what is right. I'm always told that no matter my reasons, doing anything lawful is trying to earn my way to heaven. Makes no sense, is the only way to please God to disobey everything He's said?

That part doesn't cause me a problem, I know I'm not going to stand before the Father and say, "I get to come in because I did all these things you said to do." However this part of what Robin said in her post: I am no better than my friend who chooses not to observe these days did make a difference to me. Not that I think I'm better than someone who doesn't do these things, but that I'm behaving better, pleasing Him. Something about that didn't feel right. When I read that part of Robin's post, I finally understood what bothered me about it all.

I realize it's more like two sons, one lives as he's been taught, one flouts all authority. Yes, one son is more "pleasing" in a way but the pleasing is that you know that son is safe. The obedient son is receiving the blessings that come from doing things the right and beneficial way. We teach our children to do the things we think will best benefit them in their lives, even criminals do that, don't they? They think their children will need to know how to manipulate and steal so they can get what they need to survive in life. Our Heavenly Father actually does know what is best, the true best for us. If I obey what He has said, I'm not more loved or more pleasing, I'm in a position to get the blessings that come from doing things well. I'm safe and He doesn't have to worry so much.

Is this too fine a distinction? I don't think so. I don't even know exactly how we are to be keeping the feasts now. What I do know is that doing so reveals further truth and understanding to me. They show me that there is a real plan that's unfolding, we're not simply a group of creatures flowing along until a great cosmic spirit being gets too sick of us and destroys us all.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Church or just something to do?

This new church is something I can deal with as long as I don't consider the evening service as a "service" exactly. It's more of a time to hang out and enjoy yourselves kind of time. There was music, there was a sermon and it was where I needed to be but there was nothing that felt like a unified group of loving believers worshipping in the presence of the Lord. People were busy having conversations, popping up and down for refreshments (I'm totally serious, they served drinks and snacks); it was fine if I can see it for what was intended. I probably will go back and maybe get to know a few people but for church, for a service, I'll need to go in the morning. If I talk to someone after church, I want it to be about something that was spoken, something in the Bible, something about Yeshua or the Father and the kingdom, not about mundane things.


What a pain! Last night I finally went back to the church my friend told me about. The sermon was all about how our relationship with God is intertwined completely with our relationships with other people. Am I hearing this everywhere because God wants me to pay attention or is this the newest trend in preaching? It IS totally biblical. Or maybe it's just that I keep noticing it because it's what's in my mind. But why is it in my mind?
Perhaps I shouldn't have quit my job, perhaps I should have handled it differently with the guy who kept watching me. You know how you can feel someone's intentions when they're about to attack you even if you can't see anyone? There were intentions coming from this man but not quite the same - more like biding his time. Perhaps I should have taken the girl I was talking with at the time and just walked up to this guy and said right out, "I notice you keep showing up and watching me, did you need to talk to me about something?"
Just as I decide to try again to arrange things again so that I never leave my house, I hear a sermon that tells me too bad, you have to. Some people have a "calling" to missions, do I have to accept that my "calling" is to be with psychos and insane evil people? I don't know where He's trying to put me but I'm fairly certain I'm going to go kicking and screaming every step of the way.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Kingdom - no new info, just musings

The Kingdom Of Heaven, The Kingdom Of God, it's here now, it's coming later, it is now and will be, it will be perfect - no sorrow or sin, it will still have people that refuse to "come to my holy feasts" - Revelation. I just read about the kingdom in a way that makes sense but I don't remember where! Seeking Things Above? Shield of David's Live Journal? Mending Shift?

He described how it is that the kingdom is, was, and will be. I have BEEN in the kingdom but of course, not the way I've always thought of it. Like in a distant and far-away from here heaven. I think the kingdom is being in the presence of the Holy One, fully in the presence. There is nothing the same then. But it's not the whole kingdom reality while we're in these bodies, on this earth. I keep remembering the book I read long ago by Ted Dekker called Blessed Child; in it he described experiencing the kingdom and I know what he means. It sounded like an experience people doing drugs report but not because I think the presence of the spirit of God Himself is what our reality is meant to be. Our brains are probably wired to work that way.

Once again I wonder what Jesus meant when he said he AND the Father would come be with us (believers) forever and never leave. Cosmic spiritual entity. Absorbed into one.
Two posts I erased described the weird, frightening situations at my work and the fact that I quit. This was right after I wondered if I was being shown how to love people and see them for what they are MEANT to be and not how we all are right now. I'm confused. Did I screw up by quitting? Should I have trusted God for safety and stayed in an environment that felt more like a prison or mental institution? How wonderful it will be if I ever manage to find a group of people (work) who believe in putting God and His ways first instead of thinking they're okay to follow until they get in the way! Every day I fight with the worry about loving a God who would make something like people and consider it a good thing. When I remind myself that His plan involves much more than what I see here now, I'm afraid that I'm justifying my beliefs to myself, that I'm really following an insane Deity. But I remember He showed me and He is everything, way beyond any thoughts I ever have. Once again I have to say, "Whatever. Do whatever, say whatever, put me wherever is right because I don't have a CLUE what you're doing here!" The dichotomy that is life usually leaves me feeling perplexed and hopeless. Is there really a point to all this nonsense and, if so, is it worth it?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Part Two

God puts His spirit in us, we act from that spirit, that's why we are now good, no longer the sinful depraved creatures we started as. We are now holy but does the spirit run everything we say, do, and think? Should, but no. Scripture tells us not to even speak without the spirit giving us the words, how many of us do THAT? We get a message we are to share and then expand it with our common sense and emotions. Perhaps we aren't supposed to do that. Isn't that why Jesus was often silent even though people were asking him things he "could" answer? He had already given the message God wanted the people to hear, they wanted to continue babbling about it all because they wanted to argue about it; God's answer was that they had heard, nothing more needed to be said, it was up to them to hear - HEAR which meant truly accepting and obeying what they heard.

When I wonder why it is that I'm not walking around living fully in the spirit, it's not that I withdraw from it necessarily, like I usually think I must be doing, I just don't know HOW. It's nothing I can do on my own, if God isn't giving me specific words to speak, interactions to have, actions to perform, what am I to do? Live my normal life always aware of any time His spirit gives me something to say or do. There are times when that happens, it's so different than when I just use my reason and common sense in a conversation - those times are when someone's eyes open wide and they look as if they've had a revelation or been struck by lightning. Because if God is speaking through me, it IS a revelation or message from heaven for them. This is why I wonder about some of the people in the Bible, because God gives ME things to say and do, but I know I'm not a walking oracle and that everyone should hear all my words as directly from the throne of heaven.
When we pray for guidance with a decision in our lives, is it that we should be realizing that it doesn't matter? Where we go and what we do in this life doesn't matter at all compared to who we're going and doing with. There have been times - very few, very very few, when I knew that torture, death, tragedy, don't matter at all. It was irrelevant to true reality, I saw it all from a whole different perspective but what do I do with that? I certainly don't WANT to be tortured or see tragedy for my loved ones. Asking to see things from HIS perspective and being granted it is confusing. It left me not wanting to waste time being here. It makes me feel apathetic about this life. I'm realizing right now, I started realizing last night (again?) that He's teaching me to love people somehow with all this. Normally people aggravate me and make me question God - if we are His glory, a crowning achievement, it doesn't say much for God. But I think I'm supposed to see people as He intends them to be and maybe He will give me a way to see it for themselves.

The Nature Of Interactions With God

It's hard to think of God as an entity, every word seems too small and limiting, too insignificant. God is the force of existence, the power, the very being-ness of everything. But He also interacts with us and that's just so bizarre. I don't see that God is like some huge person (man, woman, perfect "blend") because if He's as immense as He is, then we're like a speck in a microscope; how could He interact with us when our whole world is too small to withstand a breath? It seems we'd be more like sea monkeys in an aquarium in a child's room, the child may love the little creatures but would only be caring in a general way. Could a child distinguish between this sea monkey that helps the others and that one that attacks the others and steals food? Maybe so. God is more than a child but if He reaches in to help or change something, wouldn't it be like a child reaching in to a sea monkey and trying to do something specific? The very act of the child reaching into the water would disturb things and touching one would probably kill it due to the size difference.

I think this is how people in the Bible were in interaction with God, his Spirit filled them, at least for a time, and their actions showed there was another presence. I don't believe everything they said and did from then on was directly from God. Just like now, God may put His spirit in us but we don't seem to "hold onto it" very well. Are we to be a conduit? And if so, will it look the same in every person? How do our human personalities and understandings affect the message that comes forth?

This is why Jesus is seen as God by many I believe. He was full of the spirit and never acted on his own because God kept him in His presence always - when God does that, nothing of your own self seems to matter, there is no real desire to go anywhere else. We saw God in a human form and Jesus said we should be just like that as well. I definitely don't believe that all the immensity and everythingness that is God squished itself into a human man. Neither do I believe that God, the existence of everything, died.

Hear O Israel, YHWH our Elohim, YHWH is One, Blessed be the name of YHWH.
OR: Hear O Israel, YHWH is our Elohim, YHWH alone, blessed be the name of YHWH.

Jesus was the exact representation of the Father, when they looked at Jesus, they saw God. I know that scripture says there's no way to write all that Jesus said and did in a book but I sure wish they had written more! We have a few parables and teachings, a short scant record of his life, not enough! That probably was the point, we should be so full of the spirit of the Holy One ourselves that we're "writing" our own book with our own lives.

Friday, September 12, 2008

These Pictures Really Drive It Home!

This "cartoon" is really, REALLY good!
The Cross and The Pain. I need to think more about crosses that I carry, do I carry one? What exactly does it mean? I know it's typical church jargon, it's right in scripture, but I need some practical examples of what carrying your cross means.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Perspective On Trials In Life

WOW! I just read this older post from June 18 on The Internet Cafe, so incredible! It's called The Fourth Man.

Here's one part I especially like:
It is my desire to walk through the furnaces that God allows in my life in such a way that those passing by will be able to see the “Fourth Man” walking with me!

What a prayer and a hope to carry with you through trials - once again it's all about glorifying the Lord in all things.

Entrecard Won't Let Me In!

Entrecard Won't Let Me In!!! For a couple of days now, I can't sign in to I & R here to drop cards and I'm quite annoyed. For help, I have to send a call for help from my dashboard - HELLO PEOPLE! I can't get there!
Maybe I'll just pretend I need a new password and that will fix things somehow. Or something.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Reason To Live Fully

I don't see that life is a gift; it's just what is and what we deal with. I started praying and asking God to show me why one should care about living or dying instead of just dealing with whichever comes. I prayed that and then found this:

Psalm 71:18 (David's prayer) Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O Elohim, forsake me not; until I have shown your strength unto this generation, and your power to every one that is to come.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Iron Sharpens Iron?

This was a very interesting find! I was looking for a certain blog and came across this site:

This guy has worked with metals and, as he pointed out, iron DOESN'T sharpen iron.
So what does the verse in Proverbs 27:17 mean? Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. This guy pointed out that a stone or rock is needed. The Rock! It's really a very good article.

Quote On The Kingdom

This is a quote I just found on by Rev Bill Stroop (don't know who he is yet, I still have to go follow his link):

God’s Kingdom is less a place or an idea than it is a total commitment to love one another, for it is through our love of one another that we become the agents of God willing to work to bring about God’s Kingdom on the earth in the present time. That Kingdom is a union of free human beings united to God and to each other; it is the fullest manifestation of the transcendent holiness and incarnate wholeness of Being. The Kingdom is already here, yet is still to come, and it will come by God’s grace with the free cooperation of the human race.

This is difficult because I believe the first sentence at least to be true. I keep wishing God's Kingdom were a place we escape to after this life, a place we're finally allowed into without all the mess of this life but I no longer believe it is. I still see it as a "place" different from this life but I'm not sure about that. We're told in scripture that there is a place for us AFTER this life on earth so this spiritual kingdom of God must encompass more than our new spiritual awareness and being. The one short time in my life that I experienced life from a totally different perspective, I was living in the kingdom, at least on some level. I wasn't looking at people or anything in life, NOTHING, with my own eyes.

I haven't figured out why I love the memory more than STAYING there?

Saturday, August 30, 2008

The Poor

Pure religion is this: to help the widow and orphan in their suffering. Why is this true? Since when is our main focus to be on other people and not the Holy One? I can see that this could be a way of showing our focus on Him, by caring for His children. But not really.
Besides, this sounds like the main focus is to be on this physical life. I can think of ways to explain and justify it all but is it true?

We give to others, that shows love and maybe can only be truly done with the love of the Holy One in us. Except that many help others without God being their motivation. He may be the cause they don't acknowledge, but that's not their reason.
It would be pretty cool if He eventually changes everyone to be as people were intended to be on this earth. Picturing that makes me think I want to be part of that! But truly I have no belief that that's what He'll do. What keeps coming to mind as I write this is a craftsman reaching into the mess of this world (are we really such a mess?) and pulling out the art. I'm thinking of a potter pulling out a shaped beautiful piece and wiping off the dross if that's what the excess is called in pottery. Usually even the thought of being part that is knocked off as excess doesn't bother me, it's all His plan and what He does is what He does. I'll just be wherever I am.

Back to the original thought, how is helping the poor pure and undefiled religion? Is it because it involves sacrifice and thinking of others instead of ourselves? Is it perhaps the mechanism by which we grow more than the act itself? Is it to keep us humble by realizing that could be our own situation through no fault of our own? Many are poor due to their own choices but many, many, many have just ended up that way because of life. Does it force us to be grateful for what we do have?
And what about those desperate for help, the ones we are to help? How does this do anything for them other than to keep them alive in this world? I think we should do more than just give a meal on occasion (if we can); we need to find ways to help people on a track to ... wait a minute. Aren't we supposed to trust the Father who clothes even the fields and feeds birds? Is it that we are to be the outworking of that promise? Because otherwise, He's NOT providing for them. The poor will be with you always.

Decisions and Being Temporary

If God does not have a specific plan for each person's life, we are free and responsible to make our own decisions. What does that mean then, that we have to be wise and figure it all out ourselves? I don't particularly like the idea - I don't know the future, can't really know what is the best course to take, the best job, the best school for my son, where I should live. Being given the freedom and responsibility without also being given the knowledge and information necessary is a frightening prospect!
I was thinking about this a lot. The wisdom we are to use comes from God in the first place, it's the wisdom he promises us but is that only about spiritual things? We also have to remember that He does work all things together for good for those who love Him and that He has called according to His purpose. Does that mean He's working things out for good only in those specific instances where we've been "called for a purpose"? Or does it mean those who have been called and that everyone has? Not all things work out for the good for everyone and there would be no need to write such a verse specifying for whom things will work out if it applied to everyone.

Sometimes not being "told" exactly what to do in every situation feels like being neglected. But my son is like this, he wants to be given every detail of what is said, done, meant, and then for someone else to make all decisions for him. It drives me crazy so I figure I drive God crazy being that way too. It feels different sometimes because my attitude toward my son's indecision in some of the things he asks is, "Who cares? I don't care! Do whatever you want and if you can't tell what you want, don't do either." I've always been taught that God cares about EVERY thing we do and think (Rev ... every thought will be called into judgment) so does He give input on some of these decisions and I just didn't hear? I'm not sure why this matters so much to me right now, I have no decisions to make other than general life things like keep this job or look for another; move again because I like to, keep D in school or bring him back home. Nothing important. Yes, our whole lives but if we change nothing, we're fine. I love the temporariness of moving a lot and changing jobs. Hopefully I'm one the Father uses to say something needful in a person's life or show someone something and then I'm "moved on" to my next mission. I like the idea of being placed somewhere simply to help a particular person who may influence many others just because of what the Father had me do in His perfect timing. I think I wish I were an angel, showing up to reveal the Father to people on earth and then be gone - leaving them in wonder at the wonderful love and provision of our heavenly Father. I've liked that idea for years.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Decisions and God's Will

Currently I'm rereading a book by Garry Friesen with Robin Maxson called decision making and the WILL OF GOD. (Yes, that's how the title is written!) I found it long ago at a time when I needed to understand whether or not God micromanages our lives. I don't think He does but at times it seems like it. Many other times it seems not though I wish He would!

The book goes into great detail concerning our freedom and responsibility within the moral will of God. It all seems to be like when my son says he feels like playing a video game and should he play the computer or his PSP? The only right decision is whichever he prefers at the time as long as he's not neglecting something he should already be doing. If it's his free time and there is no reason he may not play, it's up to him, neither is right or wrong.
I believe many decisions are like this in our lives; whether or whom to marry, which career path to pursue, take a nap or wash clothes first, etc. It may have been in this book that the author used the analogy of the co-author's children playing in their yard. As long as the children stayed within the boundaries of the yard and treated each other as they were supposed to, it didn't matter what game they played. This book is full of scripture examples that support this notion of our freedom and responsibility to choose wisely without worrying that we're "missing God's specific will for our lives".

The strange part is all the times when it seems God HAS intervened in a small, inconsequential event. I can't figure out why though it could have repercussions that I don't know of - that's an easy idea to accept.

If He doesn't make it a habit to manage our small details, why is it that we are put in similar circumstances repeatedly to learn a lesson or practice a developing character trait? Does He do things that way? I think so, but it may simply be that our MO leads to the same issues coming up again and again. A person without time management skills will end up facing time problems as a natural consequence. I'm trying to think of examples that involve NON-natural consequences but can't think of any; either it doesn't work that way or it would be too specific for each person to easily see a general principle. No, that makes no sense, but I still can't think of any. Maybe later, or maybe someone else will.

I've still not met someone named Melinda.

The Kingdom, Hurt People, And Paganism

This whole Kingdom of God concept is making me crazy.

1) Is it on heaven or on earth? Maybe both?
2) Is it eternal or for 1000 years?
3) Is it here now or is it still to come?
4) Is it literal or spiritual?

There are plenty of evidences in the bible to back up all of these, some have more support than others, but all can be supported. If it's here now and spiritual only, the hype is more than it deserved. If it's only 1000 years - the millenial reign of Christ - then afterward is when satan is released for a while and THEN "eternity" starts. Scripture mentions those outside the kingdom and those who refuse to keep the sabbaths and the feasts in those days who will not be allowed access to the city of God.

Last night, my grandbabies' mom brought them over and was telling me of her plans to make them neo-pagans. I don't even quite know what that is, but she plans to take them to some vernal equinox celebration. She made it clear that she wants to get fully involved in whatever way she can as a rebellion against the Mormon church and the people in it. Her defining church moment was going to church as a teen and being accosted by some woman demanding to know how a bastard like she is dared to come into a church! This young woman has made some very bad choices in her life and is being condemned severely for them. I realize part of her is angry that someone dares to call her sin "sin". But I can't help but wish she was being loved into making good choices for herself. She's very much a young woman desperate to be married, she seems to believe marriage will solve all her problems, I'm pretty sure the Mormon religion encourages that point of view because of some of the doctrine that teaches only married people are acceptable to God.
Now she's closely following the talk about the Mayan calendar and is frightened that everyone will be dead in four years. She doesn't want to die. She believes that all children under eight are allowed into the kingdom of heaven automatically and little A will be eight in those four years. She's hoping/praying that if it's all true, that it will be the end before her little girl is no longer automatically safe, the other littles are younger.
So many young people are messed up by life, all of us are I guess. The Father sent us the answer in Jesus. Maybe she's the one I can study with. She's desperate, overwhelmed, and in her own words ready to give up.

Sunday, August 10, 2008


A link from Seeking Above led me to Brian McLaren's article on Sojourners ( called Found In Translation. This reminds me of what I've read somewhere, that kings were to write the Bible themselves, a translation I suppose it meant, to always meditate on it and live by it.
Kingdoms were the norm in Yeshua's day, they no longer are; even when they exist, they don't have the same impact or meaning. Considering other ways to relate what is meant is a really good idea I think but how frightening! Wouldn't want to be wrong...and we can't let the ancient manuscripts fall by the wayside, anything else should be clearly marked as notes and translations.

Considering what a kingdom meant then and what connotes the same idea now got me thinking again about the whole priesthood setup. I've never known anything like that, I've read it in the Bible of course, and I know Catholics and Mormons have that. The whole sacrificial system added in to the idea is bizarre and strange to me. Not that I don't understand the symbolism of sacrificial living, it's the original that is strange. The idea of killing something to make up for someone else's wrongdoing is far out of my experience.
Too bad history is so convoluted, accounts changed, meaning different in one place than in another, names different; all that makes it so difficult to know the originally intended meaning of scripture. That's why the spirit is given.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Anticipating the Sabbath

It happened again. I got a job, I had half decided that once again, everyone was right about the sabbath, working then is not a problem. But my new job runs Sunday through Thursday. I STILL have Saturday off. To me, this is a serious indication that I need to be sure and change whatever it is in me that doesn't "delight myself" in His sabbaths. I just make it a nothing day, I study, pray, and read the Bible, talk online about Him and all that He does, but I do that stuff anyway. How can I be delighted? I want to find out.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Sound Asleep and Driving

A few nights ago I had a dream that was so obviously a metaphor for my life that I don't know how seriously to take it. Is this what I think of my life or was this sent? Does God send dreams like this?

I dreamed that my son woke me up because he was terribly frightened and I realized I was driving totally sound asleep with the lights off at night. I managed to get my eyes open and head up long enough to turn on the lights and asked him (rather facetiously!) if that was better. I knew I had to WAKE UP again and stay awake but all I could do was lift my head again enough to see that the windshield was covered with streaked mud and I couldn't possibly see through it to drive. A line from a country song called "Jesus take the wheel" went through my mind (actually that is the line, not just the title, that's the line I thought). My son told me he was always afraid while I was driving. I managed to get to the side of the road and park the car, still sleeping while I did so, then I woke up for real.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008


On Imrah Ministries a few days ago, one of the posters (Nathan in this case) wrote What Is Faith?, it's part of a series he's doing. On Heart of Wisdom, Robin wrote about faith and decisions: Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.

These sorts of discussions and articles keep bringing to mind the whole idea of faith being seen as something one has to "work up", so many people seem to think this. The idea is often that we have to say we believe until we persuade ourselves. But as these articles show, that's not the case - the faith itself is a gift! Saying we believe when we have no reason to doesn't make sense. It's AFTER God shows us who he is and gives us faith, that we learn to trust Him. How can anyone trust someone they don't know? That's not trust and it isn't faith or faithfulness, that's thinking you're supposed to do something and hope you get it right.

Faith is the evidence according to scripture. That's always been a bit confusing, how can a feeling be evidence? But apparently faith is NOT just a feeling, just like the works that follow are not works we do to maintain faith. The works are what naturally follow because that faith is in us. Works are not goodness and kind acts that we do to show we love God, they're works that happen because that's what comes out of a faithful child of God.

The martyrs, did they work hard to refuse to deny Christ? Can a human body really maintain physical and mental sanity while suffering extreme, hideous torture? Or is it not their determination to withstand that everyone sees, but instead, the faith given them by the spirit inside that does that speaking and withstanding? If it was on a human level, wouldn't their mind not be able to do anything about it? And a human denying Christ to escape torture wouldn't change the truth of God anyway. I think it's the work of faith of the spirit in them, not the human that's holding on to it. That's how I would see faith as evidence, because no human could really do it. I hope I'm never in a position to find out though.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

I Don't Know What To Call This Post

Reading a few blogs has made me think about people who don't know or believe that there IS a spiritual world or even a spiritual aspect to life. Susan asked some questions here here that tie in with questions raised in my mind from Debunking Christianity.
I spent many years believing after I first found out about God and Jesus but it wasn't a convincing belief. There were too many questions and I usually heard that if I didn't believe everything this particular way, I was being deceived. What are we to do with our rational minds? I was able to understand that some things can not be understand with our human intelligence alone but it really does sound like a "cop-out". The concept of using a different part of our understanding made sense but I couldn't do it so it wasn't real to me.
Then when God's spirit came to me, showed him/it self to me, it was a completely different perspective, nothing like I ever knew about. This time when I KNOW it's a fundamental knowing, not like I learned something, it's the BASIS. If God doesn't give that to someone, they can't have it!
On Debunking Christianity, apparently a group of ex-pastors and church people have rejected all they "knew". It makes me question what could make someone do that? What could make me do the same thing now? I question all kinds of things in religion, in the Bible, in my experiences, but I can no longer question that there IS a God. Whatever God really is. These people seem to not be rejecting God so much as rejecting that there IS a God - big difference. What happened to the God they "knew"?
How do we know how far our own responsibility goes? As humans, there's only so much we can know and do, the rest is up to Him; if not all of it. I'm waiting to find out there's a biochemical reason for spiritual belief, there have been indications I think; the guy who blogs Brain Stimulant has posted an article or two indirectly concerning this.

Monday, August 4, 2008

The Sabbath Question

The sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath.
Does this mean that it's a gift and that if we "can't" use it right now, it's okay? Kind of like someone giving you a beautiful quilt but it's summertime and it's too hot to use it? Or because it's a command, we keep the sabbath holy, set apart for God alone?

Some say it was changed to Sunday, I don't see that at all.
Some say that our entire lives are to be holy so we don't keep a sabbath any longer. That one almost makes sense to me but our entire lives were ALWAYS meant to be holy.
I'm trying to find out the truth on this because once again I can go get a job easily if i work on Saturday. I don't know how to tell if this keeps coming up because it's a test to see how faithful I'll be or if it's a way to draw my attention to it so that I see it's not necessary.

Rereading what I wrote made me think of one thing - the laws were instituted because the Israelites were NOT staying apart as they were intended to do. Maybe this was a minimum starting point.
No, guess not. They were commanded to remember the sabbath as if they already knew about it before the laws were specifically written down. Did the laws other people had include a sabbath (the laws of Hammarabi for example)?

Science and Religion

I've read about irreducible complexity but only from a christian point of view. Last night I discovered this site: Debunking Christianity and finally found some scientific discussion and references to read about it. I haven't read much yet, just copied and pasted to print it out, I do much better reading while pacing. One thing pointed out is that many christians latch on to certain ideas and then don't keep up with current science findings. That is true! Drives me crazy.

Studying physics and biology so far doesn't make me doubt God, it used to because it was presented in such a way to do so. Also many religious arguments were not reasoned at all. When I read about Jesus seemingly going through a wall, I ignored it, figured it was part of uneducated people recording something they didn't understand. Now of course, physics is showing warping of space/time as a truth and trying to teleport subatomic particles successfully (actually the characteristics of particles, that I don't understand at all, sounds like merely semantics to say teleport in that case); still it's difficult to see why people would try so hard to "prove" there is no spiritual aspect to life. It's the quest for truth, most of these people would likely be satisfied if there were a way to truly prove God exists, just gets difficult when all the presupposed notions don't pan out. Religious ideas and understanding is proposed then everyone who doesn't believe it is considered an infidel and deserving of eternal torture in hell. No wonder people want to refute it.

Science discovers things, then they're proved or disproved. Religion understands things, then they're proved or disproved.

Something I've wanted to do for a long time is find something in the Bible that science denies and see what discovery would show it in a new perspective that would give us the real meaning and how it IS true. But so far, I'm not learned or smart enough to figure out how.

Biological Basis?

In this article from March of 2007, Washington Post it's suggested that because research is showing a biological basis for homosexual orientation, that means God isn't real or that He's evil and cruel. I don't see why that would be the conclusion, hasn't it been discovered that there are biological reasons for obesity? That doesn't make gluttony right. And aren't there people predisposed to violence? That doesn't make assault and murder right. Retardation has a biological "basis" as well, that doesn't make it normal and good, it means something biologically went wrong.

The biology of all these things may be different, I need to check into it more but gay people would have more credence if they quit denying that it's EVER culturally or behaviorally induced. I know it is in some cases.

Right now I personally assume a gay was molested, influenced, or genetically messed up. Planned obsolescence in each person, planned obsolescence in the human race, that's just part of life. Things go wrong. I don't necessarily believe life is a gift, not sure that it's really testing either. Usually I lean more to the idea that we are a science experiment.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

How Long Until It Doesn't Count?

How long is a marriage a marriage without being intimate? One of my friends in particular is questioning this, her husband is not interested at all and won't say why. She is having a very difficult time because old boyfriends keep looking her up and asking if she's married or single, how are things and they are definitely interested. She does NOT want to have an affair but she's starting to wonder if she's considered married or not. She wonders if he is gay because she figures a guy who just isn't interested in her specifically would at least take advantage of what he has sometimes. (I'm trying to be careful how I phrase this.) She calls me when she's tempted but I no longer am sure what to say! Her husband doesn't want a divorce, doesn't want her to leave, she hasn't asked his opinion on her being with someone else, would it be a relief for him? She is no longer sure if it's marriage if they just act like roommates and good friends.
If he had been in some sort of accident and this was the result, it would just be what they had to deal with, right? So this may be no different.

If any guy can think of a reason they would never touch their wife for a year or more when she clearly wants you, could you enlighten me? Could it be normal for some reason, an explanation that we don't know? Anonymously is fine, tlminut and my mail is gmail dot com.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Doctrine and Living

These are excerpts from Exposing Pharisaic Religiosity Among Us by Shield of David. Here's the repost:

Yahshua did not go around using his time to get into debates over doctrine with a single religious sect among the Jews, or all of them. He stayed outside of them and preached the simple Kingdom message,...

Yahshua did not build a school for academic study or teach his disciples or the masses to go try to get their own scroll copies and sit around for hours and study the Law. He instead took disciples OUT among the people, to show them how to manifest the Kingdom on earth as in heaven, in power, to the destruction of the kingdom of darkness. This shows he was much more concerned with his disciples being empowered and learning to walk in anointed power and compassion among people, than being academically "smart."

Perhaps instead of worrying about doctrine, we can consider the above. It goes along with "by their fruits you will know them." I know that I often realize as I study that I should be LIVING it, not just studying it. Then I can't figure out how to live it, I go about my life with the consciousness of how to live but don't see anything in particular. There was a period in my life that was totally different than anything before or since; I walked around with a perspective that wasn't my own, said things that were meaningful to the person who heard them (and it didn't come from me, I'm rather socially inept on my own and generally wrong about people); I miss that time. Should it always be like that? I can't figure out what it was all about - if God was using me then, why no longer? Did I do something wrong or is He just finished?

Monday, July 28, 2008

The New Church, I Will Go Again

We went to the new church last night, I'll go again. It was very casual, an evening service. There were the usual drums and guitars, all that that I like. What was odd to me was the service being held in a gymnasium instead of the sanctuary, the lights were low, food and drinks were available at the back, and everyone was seated at tables! About halfway through, I realized what it reminded me of - I told my friend it felt like we were in a club instead of church! She agreed but still, it was a great time for making new believing friends. (Not that I talked to anyone, not the first time I went!)

I still plan to go to a morning service, there were too many people that acted like they were there to see a show even though the "spiritual atmosphere" didn't feel like that to me. People even clapped after songs - the lead singer quickly stepped up to talk or pray to cut that off, for her that was definitely NOT what should be happening.
There wasn't a sermon, instead there was a guest speaker and his story, his testimony was incredible! He is one of those who managed to escape the Khmer Rouge (sp?) in Cambodia during the Vietnam War. This puts a face to the persecution going on in other countries, a face to my son's history lessons. I want to tell his story but first I'll see if he has it anywhere in writing - it's his story to tell, not mine. If it's not readily available, I'll go ahead and post it.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Is This The Place?

I'm a bit worried, things may get intense, I don't know for sure. My friend knows I want to go to church and that most churches around here are Mormon and I'm not. (She is.) Someone she knows told her about a church that the woman is thrilled to have found and my friend and i have decided to go. The woman talked about the sermons. She mentioned activities and such when my friend asked for more info but her main emphasis was on the sermons, the Word Of God being preached. My friend and I stopped by a couple of days ago just to have a look. It looks like one of those three-ring circus churches, programs and coffee shop, on and on. But it doesn't feel like it's going to be that way.
I'm scared to death and can't wait to go.
Now I'm feeling normal about it again. It's church.

Who Is This Little Boy?

I don't know much about YouTube so I tried to copy this link so I don't lose it somewhere. Does anyone know who this little boy is? He's amazing!

Little Boy Singing

I'm hoping I did this right...never mind, i found out. It's a boy named Declan Galbraith. He's older now, that video was from about 10 years ago i guess. But the songs he sings now are kind of odd. I don't really know what he's saying in them but I sure like that first one Tell Me Why from when he was little.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Faith? Positive Thinking?

For a long time I wondered what the difference was between "faith" and "positive thinking". I still am not quite sure that we haven't been given power to bring things about with creative words - literally creative i mean. Someone pointed out on a forum that faith itself isn't the power, it's the one in whom we have faith. Good point I think but it still could be that we have more power than we use, just need the right perspective on it. We are often exhorted to meditate on good and noble things, keep our thoughts in control; perhaps constantly concentrating on a desired outcome really can make things come to pass.


Tony on Seeking Things Above posted about seeing a familiar passage in scripture in a new light; I read that then went to Ima Blogger where Tony C. (different Tony) wrote:

The inspiration of the Holy Spirit is astounding as the Bible warns us of such a practice: “But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do . . .” (Mat. 6:7). For example, many motivational/success tapes, lectures, and seminars start you off by helping you make your thoughts repetitive.

I always thought of 'vain repetitions' as referring to drawing attention to oneself as discussed in the two previous verses. They're actually separate though, that's clear from verse 8 which says, "...for they think they will be heard because of their many words." This is my example of seeing something completely new in a familiar passage, why didn't I see that before?

Monday, July 21, 2008

New Bodies

I don't suppose we're all intended to "be absorbed into one great cosmic spirit with I AM" because Jesus was given a new body and we're promised one as well. But it is intriguing to think of the things the new bodies will be able to do; live outside of time perhaps, rearrange molecules or fit in between them or such things as that!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Absolute Truth Or Not?

I've noticed that many seem to agree that "the Word (Bible) does not contradict itself, any apparent contradiction is in our understanding only." Why does this have to be an absolute? Why do we think we have to reconcile every verse into one "truth"? The Bible covers everything and every person, why does it only have to say one thing?

Walking in the road is dangerous.

That's true for a two year old living in a city. It's not true for someone out in the desert trying to find the nearest city after a car broke down - for that person, walking in the road keeps him from getting lost and increases his chance of being seen and helped.

A Bible truth may be true for one person at a particular time in his/her life and not true or even applicable at another time or for another person's circumstance.

Friday, July 18, 2008


If we are all to be one, does that mean one spiritual entity? Absorbed into the great I AM? If so, we'd be kind of like an ant colony where the overall 'colony-entity' is what matters. If one ant dies, the colony forms around that gap and continues; a newly born ant fits in the same way, the colony 're-forms' around it and it's now in its place. The colony is what matters and not each individual ant. (Ants may have a totally different take on this!)
What happens to a crippled or maimed ant? What happens to a rogue ant, a lazy ant, the rugged individual ant?


I wonder how many of us will be spiritual adults if our aging is only counted when we "walk according to the spirit and not according to the flesh." How much of our lives actually count?

Thursday, July 17, 2008

They WERE Given Stones

What do we think of those who asked for bread and were given stones? I thought that wasn't supposed to happen. If a child is begging God to make his parents love him instead of hurt him, isn't that receiving stones when you asked for bread?

Is it that we don't recognize the bread as bread? Somehow this is good for the child?
I easily see that He takes evil and brings good out of it but I don't see calling the evil good because of it. Scripture says He causes evil and He causes good. Quite confusing.

This is mainly why I can't get a grip on just "what" God IS. The loving father analogy works in some situations but definitely not all. Sometimes I think it's about us all being one human - all of us as a human race being one spiritual being, rather crippled at this time, disjointed, rather like an army platoon of new recruits or a large group of children learning to move in synch. Some are angry that they have to be in the group at all, some insist on being the leader when they're not, some are confused by it all, some are doing just fine.

The Way to the Father

I'm trying to figure out what it means that we are to come to the Father by Jesus - No man comes to the Father but by me.

Can that include people who live as Jesus did whether or not they know his name? I know it also says in scripture there is no other name by which we're saved. But name doesn't necessarily mean someone's literal human name, especially not in the Jewish culture of the time. It meant authority.

When I read the fourfold path in Buddhism (I think that's the right one), I don't see differences from what Jesus taught. Many spiritual paths seem to be like that, they teach basically the same thing. Not all. And some we are specifically told to stay far away from - not necessarily because there's nothing real, but because they are not the right way to go. If we're being led to a specific destination and several paths are overgrown with thickets that take hard work to get through, some are relatively clear, and one leads through a swamp full of alligators, we're told not to take the path through that swamp! Doesn't mean that you CAN'T get through that way but it's too likely that you'll either never make it or that you'll be swimming and slogging for your (spiritual) life and may end up going away from the place you're trying to reach. Things like trying to contact the "spirits of the dead" and witchcraft, sorcery; these we're warned away from.

Besides, walking as Jesus walked, I doubt that means we are all to go wander the streets doing as he did. Maybe we are. But we're also told to walk according to the spirit, not according to the flesh. We're not talking a literal walk here.

I do not believe all paths lead to "God" but all paths may lead to "Jesus". For those truly willing to live a righteous life, desiring it above all else, that's all a person can do. Beyond that, it's up to God Himself to open their (spiritual) eyes for any next steps. If that means living as Jesus did, all things according to what the holy spirit of God told him, a person can do that without knowing of Jesus specifically I believe. If that's not the case, then that person will be led to know of Jesus somehow or in the next life will be shown the rest of the truth. Why else would Jesus have gone to "preach to the dead" while he was "dead"?

Wow, what is being dead anyway?

Saturday, July 12, 2008


Yesterday or the day before, I was reading a christian post, looked interesting and I really did want to read it. But I didn't. I felt annoyed and clicked right out of it - my reason for doing so is something i find quite disturbing.

I clicked out because it said (paraphrased), "1. Read and see why you are valuable to and loved by God" and it was followed by scripture references.

It made me angry. I see what people do, how they are, I'm supposed to be awed and impressed by a God that thinks this is something good?! I remember several years ago when I finally discovered why my youngest was so horrified at the idea of growing up - he thought that becoming a man meant that he would turn evil and he didn't want to. He thought only women are good and godly and that he was destined to become evil. It didn't help that at school twice, they had a man and a woman from prisons come in to talk to the kids and tell them why crime will ruin everything for them. What he remembered is the statistic that there were more than three (four?) times as many jails for men than women. That didn't help.
For a while, i caught myself trying to prove to him that women were just as bad as men! Soon, I came to my senses and started finding heroic men for him to know about. Then school insisted that he be required to watch the news every single night. I told his teacher that wouldn't happen, this was NOT a good idea for him (one of the reasons he's homeschooled now).

This whole idea of God loving people instead of wiping us all off the face of his beautiful earth is still very difficult for me. This is probably why I want so much to find another church like the one we went to in SC. It was like nothing i ever knew before but hope to find again.

Need an assembly

I really need to find a church, meeting, worship group, prayer group, SOMETHING. My son needs it too. It's a little difficult since most of the ones around are LDS and I'm not. But then I'm no "mainstream" christian either. Rather difficult to get involved anywhere but I almost don't care anymore - as long as I can meet with others who honor, love and worship God with me and honor his son...that's all that matters.

I pulled out some old CDs tonight, I love some lines:

Shaun Groves - "Should I tell them that I am a perfect example of all You can do with a life?" (referring to telling an audience he's only what he is because of Jesus - what if they're not impressed with what he is and figure Jesus must not be 'all that' then?)
Shaun Groves again - "You are the center of my universe..."
Point of Grace - "I wanna believe, without a single question, O Lord hear my confession.." and all the first three songs on the "I Choose You" CD.

I want to be in a crowd of people all singing and praying together.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Being or Doing? Waiting or Working?

On Seeking Things Above, Tony posted about our purpose in life. We know some things from scripture but many of us still wonder whether or not we have a specific purpose, those works prepared for us ahead of time. Is it something we can miss? It used to amuse me, okay it still amuses me, to think my personal work may be to have spoken a kind word to one particular person one particular day. Did I do it? Was I in the right place? Was I in the right mood? Did I react to the prompting of the spirit when it came?
Other times I think that's ridiculous, still amusing, but ridiculous. I can't do one little thing and be done with the requirements, can I? After all, we're told the workers are few, is that still the case? Regardless, whether I have one tiny work to do, one major work to do, many constant small and large works to do, the only way is to be sure everything you do is from the spirit of God working through you.

It feels odd, knowing that God showed me the reality of Himself and then I'm just living a normal life. Somewhere in scripture is mentioned a man who was shown something and was reminded (reprimanded) that many had longed to see what he did but weren't shown. That's what I feel like sometimes; so many people want to see, want to know, want to be assured, some just want their curiosity satisfied, but it doesn't happen. So why me? It feels like I'm hiding, instead of "doing greater works than these" as Jesus said, I'm satisfied to walk in awe and gratefulness in my own little restricted sphere. When I pray and ask, it's with the thought running through the back of my mind that says, But don't REALLY tell me, I want to know but only if you absolutely insist. It may be a real pain.
Maybe I'm getting a bit mixed up on the verse about Jesus doing nothing but what the Father told him. That isn't quite it, is it? He only did what he saw the Father DOING.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

What Can My Friends Say?

Off and on, quite frequently, I think of what I'm giving my friends to say when I die. I think of the typical things said at funerals and wonder, "Can my friends say that about me? Am I leaving them with nothing obvious to say?"

People who are quick to help others, quick to share, those people are easy to mourn and eulogize. But what am I giving people to say about me? Am I making it difficult for them at a time when they will be sad enough already? The awful thing is that I wonder just why these people like me anyway and can't think of any particular reason.
Then I start wondering why I like THEM and what I would say? If I can't think of anything, I need to seriously think harder about how I can appreciate my friends and my family.

I Like The Timing On This

This is great, at Work At Home Mom Revolution, I just found the list she keeps of legitimate work at home jobs. I recognize a few of them and know for myself that they're legitimate. There are at least two that I plan to apply for.

One good thing about not having this job right now (my recently quit job) is that I can now go to see my new grandson in California! My daughter-in-law just sent me another picture of him, he's now four months old and smiling so adorably! Then my friend brought her son over to spend some time with my son and mentioned that her father is going to CA in a couple of weeks and I can take D and go with him! That will cut my travel costs in half and give me a/c in the vehicle, mine isn't working too well. This may be absolutely wonderful!

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Worried about this

Something I've just done worries me a great deal. I quit my job.

This was not something I was told to do by God, was the job from Him in the first place? It seemed to be - it pays what I need, it was working from home so no gas worries, it requires no sabbath work. Everything I asked for, everything like an answer to prayer. But I can't stand the job. I hung on for a while because it felt like I'd be saying, "Thanks, but no thanks. Good try but it's just not for me." NOT something I want to say!

They didn't accept my quitting it seems, when tomorrow comes, I can sign in and see if I still have a job or check out a couple other possibilities. I actually found a job that was more physical which is what I wanted. But when I talked to them, they told me they decided they'd prefer me to do their customer service and computer work instead of "wasting me" on the physical part! The whole point of applying for that job was the physical aspect. Taking the job offered would be doing the same thing I'm doing now for a dollar and a half an hour less. True, the customer service I'd be doing would be more to my liking from what I know so far but still...

It would be nice sometimes to have our own personal instruction book, more specific than the Bible, one that says, "Harry, tomorrow at 9:00 a.m., go to the corner of 4th and Main. There will be someone waiting for you and you should say...". Know what I mean? I'm a very indecisive person. I live by principle but often wish I had more specific direction than that.