Monday, December 29, 2008

Surprise Christmas after all

It's difficult to not celebrate Christmas
when people think you're only not doing it
because you're too poor.

At 1:30 a.m. on December 24th, there was a horrendous banging on our door; when we finally opened the door we found boxes of food and a giant black bag full of gifts! There is no one who should have thought of doing that that I know of and my friend insists she has no idea about any of it, no knowledge, nothing. It was from the Mormon church I think. The food was welcome, yes, but it was just so odd. The kids were happy of course, it was fun.
I read on a blog that someone wrote, "We're not celebrating his birthday, we're celebrating his BIRTH." Nice point. Still I can't get past the command that says not to take the ways of the heathens and worship our God that way.

Deuteronomy 12:30
beware that you are not ensnared to follow them, after they are destroyed before you, and that you do not inquire after their gods, saying, 'How do these nations serve their gods, that I also may do likewise?' (NASB ©1995)

Leviticus 18:3 'You shall not do what is done in the land of Egypt where you lived, nor are you to do what is done in the land of Canaan where I am bringing you; you shall not walk in their statutes.

Leviticus 20:23 'Moreover, you shall not follow the customs of the nation which I will drive out before you, for they did all these things, and therefore I have abhorred them.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Substitution? Example?

Something else I've wondered is how is it that Yeshua's death is a substitute death? Scripture says no man can pay the price for another (2 Chronicles 25), so... isn't it his LIFE that is accounted? We do still have to die after all, die daily to ourselves. Wasn't his death the physical demonstration of what we have to do?
Yet, scripture also says he died FOR us. He accepted the guilt of every sin ever committed when the Father laid it on him and he took the punishment of death. Here is where the analogies come in and start getting confused; when we become part of the body of Christ, death is in our past, we have died because of sin since he did. The confusion is calling ourselves the "bride of Christ", are we part of him or a bride? It's not literal so no big deal really. A wife and husband are "one" too, like Yeshua is with the Father and like we are to be with them both, so I guess it still would work. Not confusing after all.

YHWH = ?

YHWH can't be directly translated as I AM. Someone told me that in Hebrew, I am is eimi. I think. Something like that anyway. It's just that there was a Hebrew tradition not to pronounce the holy name, they put a "gate" around it so that no one would inadvertently sin. How then could someone respond if asked, "Are you John, the one who these people were looking for?" They couldn't say, "Yes, I am." So what does it really translate to?
That's another reason I think it's odd that people claim Yeshua claimed to be the Almighty by saying I am when asked if he is the Messiah. He said I am. And? How does that mean anything but that he is the Son of God, the Messiah, the one who was promised? Did he say, "Yahweh"? If so, what would that have meant?

Are you the promised one?

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Being Perfect

Scripture tells us to be perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect. Yet the first response is always, "Well, we can't really be perfect, no one can. Only Yeshua was." What would it be if we told our children to behave as we have taught them and we heard them talking to each other, saying, "We can't really behave like they told us to. Don't worry, they didn't mean it. They don't truly expect us to do what we've been told. That's only possible when we're grown up."

I've considered and thought about what keeps me from being perfect. What even is perfect? It's easy enough to avoid the obvious evil things, I don't kill people, don't seduce people, don't steal or lie. So then, attitudes. If I am annoyed with someone, it's easy enough to change my point of view and try to think why they would behave the way they are. When it's difficult for me, I pray and ask the spirit of holiness in me to make my thinking right. "He" does. When someone wants my time, my attention, my belongings, I tighten my grip on MY. I have to ask him to help me remember things are not mine, I'm not even mine. That for me, is the hardest part. Not to give things but to give ME. Still, I don't see why it is that we can't be perfect as we were told. The spirit in us that He gave us is how we can be. Do we assume we can't so that we don't have to?

Friday, December 19, 2008

Micah 6:8

He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does YHWH require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8

I know that's in my sidebar, I just love it and wanted to write it again.

Do I Control My Life If I've Given It Away?

There has been so much said about The Secret and Think and Grow Rich and other such ideas, it's making me wonder. How much does our attitude and focus affect life? It must matter, scripture tells us to 'think on' good and noble things, to esteem others better than ourselves, that "as a man thinks in his heart, so is he", other such things.
Is this only to keep our individual selves "on the straight and narrow" or is it because when we all concentrate on good at once, the world will change? That seems likely to me, what seems unlikely is that it will ever happen. Is the only reason we shouldn't constantly concentrate on acquiring money because money isn't a worthy life goal? What if our reason for wanting money is that we want something to share with others?

I see attitude problems in my son, when he's determined to dislike something or be unable to succeed, it seems obvious that he won't. Why should that be unless attitude really does affect things? Does it only affect his own brain? I haven't tried to draw things to me and haven't taught him to do so but perhaps I should. He does know that complaining is wrong and that one's attitude has an effect on one's health and life. Does a negative, complaining attitude affect other people as well? Seems obvious that it does, we talk about people who are unpleasant to be around because of their negativity, and about people we love to be around because they make us feel good due to their contagious joie de vivre (sp?) But does attitude and focus really affect the material world as well? If so, why are there so many people convinced that this plan's a winner, our problems are finally over and they fail? Or abused children who are convinced that they will behave well enough and send out enough love to a parent that they will finally be loved but it doesn't happen?

I've agreed to read and review a book (I don't have the book yet, it's coming) concerning this subject. I thought it would be from a believer's point of view, but I'm not sure, I'll find out when it gets here. Scripture tells us the Father has good works prepared for us ahead of time, if poverty is required for these works to be available to us, why would we think we'll get rich just by concentrating on it? How can desiring many biological children give us those children if our purpose is to take in as our own, children who need a family without the "distraction" of a possible division into "our real children and our adopted ones"?

I find it quite difficult to draw the line between contentment/accepting the will of YHWH, and apathy. Hard to decide if HE put me "here" (whatever situation I may be in) to learn something or do something, or did my own actions do it? Should I be in this situation? How much control do I really have? If I acknowledge that I am not my own, are "my" actions really mine?

Thursday, December 11, 2008


At, I've just spent the last hour and a half reading articles and responding to them. It's great! I guess I was just in the mood or maybe I just felt like running my mouth. It's quicker and easier than blogs since "category" and "search" on entrecard hasn't been working. I need to try it again so I can find and comment on the blogs I like and lost. But for now, this is wonderful!

EDITED TO ADD: Maybe I did something wrong, no one has responded to any comments or questions I left for them. If most didn't respond, I wouldn't be surprised but not even one? I left several so I'm a little confused by that. Some articles are ridiculous, not well-written at all, some are no more than a line or two of ranting but some are very well thought out and presented. I think I need a forum.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Did YHWH PreWire Us?

The December 6th issue of ScienceNews has an essay called The Decider. The subject is the latest findings on our "illusion" of free will. It states:

"Free will" is not the defining feature of humanness, modern neuroscience implies, but is rather an illusion that endures only because biochemical complexity conceals the mechanisms of decision making.

It seems they've discovered some previously unidentified brain areas, parts that did things we didn't quite know about before. Certain parts of the brain are regularly involved in decisions that encourage or discourage "non-rewarding" choices. The main structure discussed is the habenula, a structure that fires neurons that slow dopamine neurons when a creature is faced with an unrewarding choice.
They're careful to point out that this brain structure is merely part of a large neural network involved in decision making, just that it's a part that is involved heavily. Rather disconcerting to think that people who continually make the same type of poor decisions may simply have an under- or over-active part in their brain. Does this mean they can have this section of the brain stimulated or suppressed and suddenly become successful in life?

Free will or not? It's still a big question.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Limiting BEING, How Can "He" Possibly Be Described?

It's still too hard for me to refer to "God" or "YHWH" or "He". Too limiting, all of them. Saying He is too humanizing and even then leaves half off. God of course isn't even a name. YHWH is okay as long as I say the name with the translation of I AM in my mind. YHWH, Yahweh, Jehovah; they all sound like mythical deities when I say them. When I say I AM and remember what "He" showed me, it all makes sense and it works.
But even Existence, Being, an entity? I don't think even "entity" can cover God. It's much easier to think of Yeshua/Jesus. An exact representation for us. But is he the model of what WE can and will be or what God is? Because if he was the image of what God is, then that's still what we have in store, but we didn't get to be with him while he was human like we are now. All we can go by are the stories and accounts - those are wonderful but not enough. Without direct experience, we can't possibly drop our jaws in amazement at the feeling of being near him, knowing that we are in the presence of The Almighty Holy One. If we are able to be full of the spirit of God as he was, one with God (which is what Jesus prayed), when is that supposed to be? Jesus kept saying the kingdom was here whenever God worked, so it seems to mean that's the option now.
Overall, it still seems that we will all be "absorbed" into one great force or power of existence.

I can see why God told people, "Look, think of me as the Father," it's all beyond words otherwise. What scientific understanding was available then?
Now we have much more science, but many kids have no fathers. What is the newest way to understand? I keep imagining these guys back then, the ones who wrote down the scripture, trying to come up with words to explain the totally inexplicable; not only was it hard to come up with words in their language that could encompass the meaning, but words that defied their understanding of how things were.
Kind of like the guys in a movie I just watched last night called The Ghost Particle about two scientists who were ridiculed and rejected by some, by others considered merely wrong, until just a couple of years ago. One thing was rather nice; even though one of the men had Alzheimer's by the time he was awarded The Nobel Prize in Physics, the other is still fully cognizant and thrilled to have his life's work vindicated while he's still alive! That's so wonderful, look at how many only get respect and recognition posthumously. (By the way, this was about neutrinos).

This post is way too long and convoluted now, I'll stop for a while. It's just that I watched the DVD about neutrinos last night and then Stephen Hawkings The Universe tonight; these things always get me started!

Entrecard, Blogging, and Weary Old Brains

Is anyone else having major trouble with search and campaign on Entrecard? I can't use either and I'm really tired of it. I've loved entrecard because I have found so many blogs I want to keep reading but now I have to remember where each is -- and the url doesn't always match the blog name. I'm left only able to drop on those who have dropped on me, there are several who DON'T drop on mine that I want to follow and drop on.

I'm considering dropping this whole blog anyway because I end up spending time dropping cards and planning to "come back and read this one more thoroughly" once I'm done. Sometimes a quick glance is interesting but later I see naked pictures down in earlier posts and wish I had never dropped a card. If I can't even search or use the campaign button to find the ones I want, it isn't giving me what I need here. I like the blogrolls some people have, I want to start a new, unknown blog to practice posting pictures, linking, and things like that. It still counts as traffic without dropping a card I think, does anyone know? I want to support the blogs I like and find new ones. It's just that I really don't know what I'm doing and it's time to find out. Thinking I'm too old to bother with all this isn't working -- I keep waking up alive every day and may do so for a long time! Every time I find a job I'd like to apply for, I discover I don't know enough to qualify so guess I'd better put this weary old brain back to work.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

A Job Maybe

And now something else; my friend just called and told me her boss asked her if she knew someone to work a temp job at her work to run the register. No product expertise required! YES! She told him she does and would ask me if I'm interested as if she doesn't know I still am feeding a teenage boy! LOL! They're starving even when there IS food...
No guarantees but I'm definitely planning to talk to her bosses.


My son came home from work this morning and told his little brother, "Karma. It's karma. I've been trying to arrange things, trying to figure out what to do and the money just showed up." He asked me, "Isn't it amazing how these things work out?"
I need to look up karma; I've heard the word of course, but I realize I don't actually know what it means. Isn't it pretty much the Indian version of "you get what you give", "what goes around comes around" and the biblical mandate to "do these things that it will go well with you"?

So we're covered for another month of rent and the car is inspected and registered. No insurance yet, and bills aren't paid but I guess that will come too.

Maybe Meaning or Maybe Just The Vagaries of Life

Life can get so depressing and it's all about money. Not all bad things are about money, of course, I know that quite well. But right now I have overdue rent, no job, a car overdue to be inspected, registered, and insured, no food. We're turning off the phone and the cable, sold the TV, I would advertise other things to sell but have no money to buy an ad!
I called to find out the status of the last job application I put in - the woman told me she had been out of town and would be again so she hasn't reviewed any of them yet. Then I even called to find out if I can go back to psycho land (the job I quit because of the scary people and stalkers!) and they have no openings.
AND THEN I got a speeding ticket that isn't legit. I've never refuted one before because I used to speed but this time I wasn't. My son and I had JUST been discussing why we had to go so slowly; I showed him that we had been in a school zone and the limit was only 20 mph. We still drove slowly because we had a flat tire and had just inflated it, we were checking it to see if it would hold or had to be repaired. That's when a cop stopped us for speeding! Nope, sorry, you're wrong buddy. My son even suggested I call "the real police to let them know about these men out here and what they're doing"! LOL!
Sometimes it would be easier to not know God at all, then I wouldn't be looking for some deep meaning behind all this. Nothing would be better but I wouldn't be trying to figure out if there was something I needed to learn or do, or if I had done something horribly wrong.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Made for the Butterfly Effect?

I wonder how it would be if we are here for one specific purpose. I know it's not quite like this and I've mentioned this before, but what if one's reason for living is to do one specific thing or help one specific person? Anything else would be "icing on the cake".

So then, what would happen if you didn't do it -- if you weren't sure you should, thought you didn't have time, didn't know how, or thought it was your own mind coming up with ideas? Maybe you just didn't want to. Would the Father send someone else along to do it instead? Would it be left undone?

We have to stay so close, so connected to the source that we KNOW. But if we're not that close, will we realize it? Some beg to know God but He doesn't reveal Himself to them (or not for a very long time). Some think they DO know Him and don't find out until later that they hadn't after all. I assume some truly did know truth, but life destroys them to the point where it doesn't matter and they don't care anymore.

Sometimes this bothers me, often though, it strikes me as funny to think my whole purpose in living (or any one person's), could be to have a particular life story to tell a particular person at one point in their life. All the rest would be superfluous expenditure of energy. Perhaps life is full of Butterfly Effects.