Saturday, September 20, 2008
Two posts I erased described the weird, frightening situations at my work and the fact that I quit. This was right after I wondered if I was being shown how to love people and see them for what they are MEANT to be and not how we all are right now. I'm confused. Did I screw up by quitting? Should I have trusted God for safety and stayed in an environment that felt more like a prison or mental institution? How wonderful it will be if I ever manage to find a group of people (work) who believe in putting God and His ways first instead of thinking they're okay to follow until they get in the way! Every day I fight with the worry about loving a God who would make something like people and consider it a good thing. When I remind myself that His plan involves much more than what I see here now, I'm afraid that I'm justifying my beliefs to myself, that I'm really following an insane Deity. But I remember He showed me and He is everything, way beyond any thoughts I ever have. Once again I have to say, "Whatever. Do whatever, say whatever, put me wherever is right because I don't have a CLUE what you're doing here!" The dichotomy that is life usually leaves me feeling perplexed and hopeless. Is there really a point to all this nonsense and, if so, is it worth it?