My prayer journal isn't quite like I expected. Have you ever been advised to keep one where you keep track of people, things, and situations you've prayed about? The idea seemed a bit too check-register-like to me but I thought it was worth a try. I ended up with something a little different.
At first I wrote about discovering that what I thought I knew about God and religion, Jesus, etc., probably wasn't true. I had been getting confused and started doubting a lot of things. Finally I stood in my bedroom, raised my head and my voice and demanded that if He expected me to tell anyone anything, He needed to let me know the truth!
I never hit the floor so fast in my life!!!
It's SO very different to "believe" than to have the very presence of the Almighty God right there in your face! Very different, way too intense, scared me almost to DEATH. He started pouring knowledge and understanding into my head, it took a second, one second, was it even that long?! before I was begging, Stop! Stop! I can't handle this!
You know the saying, "You couldn't handle the truth if I told you,"? That's what I discovered. It's true. HIS knowledge was way too much for me.
Then, to drive the point home I suppose, a song was on the radio that I had never heard before; Who Am I by Point of Grace. The lyrics I heard?
Who am I
To understand Your ways?
Who am I
To give You anything but praise?
Who am I
To try and solve the mystery
Behind the heart and soul of all that I believe?
Who am I?
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that is soo true. God is just too awesome for us to completely comprehend! I told Him once: Lord, I want to know EVERYTHING about you!! and then I just felt Him telling, "You don't know what your asking for..." everything we need to know about Him (stuff we could grasp as human beings) are all in the Bible and was revealed by Jesus. I'll be content with that for the time being I guess =)
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